I open my eyes with a start, my heart racing. Well that’s good news, at least it is still beating. That is already better than I was expecting. It must have just been a dream, a very vivid and shockingly painful dream. I sit up, expecting to see my bedroom, but instead I’m lying in the road. What am I doing sleeping in the road? Was I day drinking again? I don’t remember, which isn’t really a conclusive answer.
A swarm of insects buzzes by. There are a lot of them, the most I have ever seen in one place. The swarm is so thick it looks solid, like I could reach out and pick it up. I resist the temptation, mostly because my head is hurting. Looks like another check mark in the day drinking column.
A quick glance around shows a mostly barren landscape. The only houses I can see look like a truck drove through them, and I’m not being hyperbolic. There are bricks scattered everywhere. What is this place?
I slowly get to my feet, waiting for the world to spin, but it remains surprisingly stable. That’s when I notice the person on the horizon. It looks like an old man, and he is staring right at me. I wave, but he doesn’t wave back. If I run I am pretty sure I can catch him up, he isn’t exactly blazing a trail out there.
As I start to run I swallow another mouthful of bugs. Honestly, how are there so many around here? Is nothing eating them? I’m busy looking for other animals when I almost trip right over the bird that waddles out in front of me. It is the fattest bird I have ever seen. It makes a turkey look skinny. It’s little stick legs are shaking with the effort of moving its podgy little body around. It stumbles forward, its mouth open, and chomps down some bugs. Then it collapses back to the ground, wheezing.
The old man has started hobbling away, but I catch up to him easily. He eyes me warily. “Unlucky there sonny. Let me guess, a truck hit you?”
“What? No, that was just a dream. Wait, how do you know about my dream? Am i still dreaming? Am i drunk right now?”
He chuckles. “Don’t be ridiculous. You’re in the 7,957th dimension, otherwise known as planet Truck Stop. Basically everything ever hit by a truck gets sent here.”
“Wait, you were hit by a truck too?”
“In a manner of speaking. Stage 4, terminal. I didn’t want to bankrupt my wife, and we didn’t have a gun, so i stepped out into traffic. Had to make sure I did it right. Was a nice truck too, big red one. I feel bad for the driver, but I’m sure he got over it.”
I blurt out, “You’re crazy. This is crazy.” As I look around this world makes a lot more sense. Bugs, derelict buildings and the occasional small animal. “Wait, how are you even alive? Like, what do you eat?”
He claps his hands together suddenly, making me jump. Then he shows me the dead bugs crushed onto his palm before he licks it. “They are surprisingly nutritious.”
Nope. Not happening. I can’t stay here. “How do I get out of here?”
He grinned. “Same way you came in.”
“Hit by a truck?”
“Yep. There’s one of those new fangled automated trucks out here. Must have gotten into an accident with another truck, but it still drives. The computer just has it driving in circles. Should be here in a couple of minutes.”
“Is that where you are heading?”
“What? No sonny, I just saw you coming and didn’t feel like making friends today. I’m a bit of a loner, I like having this place all to myself, you know? These bugs only go so far, I don’t want to be fighting someone for food at my age.”
As we continue on our path I see the plume of dust heading our way. The old man pulls out a pocketwatch. “Right on time. I have to hand it to the engineers, that thing runs like clockwork.”
“So what do I have to do? Stand in front of it?”
“No, that won’t work, it will detect you. You have to stand to the side and leap in front of it at the last second, before it can stop.”
It’s not everyday you get hit by a truck, and a rarer day still when you get hit by two of them. “Have you seen this work?”
“Oh yeah, at least a dozen times. Poof, just like that they are gone, no trace of them. Better to do it quickly though, who knows what will happen if your body has been cremated back in your dimension.”
The dust plume slowly fades to reveal a large black truck with no windows. It looks how I imagine death would look if he had 18 wheels. It is moving fast, in 30 seconds it will be upon us.
I stand there, ready to jump. What do I have to lose?
As it races closer I can feel the doubt kicking in. I’m not sure I can do this. What if the old man is wrong? What if this just kills me? I wasn’t ready for the first truck to hit me, why would I repeat the process intentionally. I can feel my nerves kicking in and my knees wobble. I can’t do this. Maybe next time. Maybe this world isn’t so bad after all. I haven’t even given it a chance.
The truck is about to pass me when I feel a shove from behind and then the familiar horn blaring and darkness. I can feel my consciousness moving this time, heading back to my world. I’m going to get a second chance. I’m going to live the life I always intended to live.
I open my eyes to see a group of people huddled around me. These must be the EMTs, trying to resuscitate me. I try to speak, to tell them I’m ok, but one of them shushes me. “It’s ok son, that sneaky bastard got us too.”
I sit up abruptly to see a barren landscape with a fading line of bugs bursting into existence. People are chasing after the black trail, waving their hands in the air. The old man leering over me laughs. “Welcome to the 435,112th dimension, or what we like the call, the truck stops truck stop. How is that old bastard anyway? I wished him dead for a long time, until I realized that when he dies he won’t send anyone else here so he can keep that place all to himself.”
Two words escape my mouth that sum up exactly how I feel about that. “Mother trucker!”
